Coming Home

Instead of the usual greetings, party, and celebration I opted to have this day in silence and solitude. Maybe that is what I really need these days. I went back to a place I call home. Many people may surround me but sometimes I still feel alone that is why I decided to go home. And I feel just like I am living someone else’s life it is like I just stepped outside when everything was going right.

As I alighted from the bus, the canopy of trees welcomed me in a sheer nostalgic tone. It was raining that moment, as if every thing was gloomy. The fresh grass was drenched in rainwater, the leaves and branches were scattered along the road because of the strong winds. As I walked down the forlorn path, my memory brought me back to the first time I went inside this place. Full of desire and hope, this is where it all began. One of the happiest chapter of my life. Now I returned home feeling a certain depression, full of questions of doubts and of fears. Sometimes I feel God made a mistake and I am waiting for Him to take it back. Thus, I waited in silence.

I went home not only to gather strength from the memory it gave me but also to look back where I started, or where did I go wrong. I went around walking quietly and reflectively. Visiting those special places that I went to when I lived there. Those events, faces, and stories that was attached to those places and trying to relive it as long as I could.

The uncertainty of the future engulfed me take time to think about it. To tell the truth, I am very afraid of what will happen, until when it will last? When this dark cloud shall lift? When pain and discomfort will no longer pile upon each other? While such times last, I realized the power that despair yields upon me so that I uttered, “my God, my God why have you abandoned me?” I prayed for a deep sense of trust, to accept whatever it is that will find in the end and embrace it with strength and courage. I tried to pacify by comforting myself with this prayer.

Lord, what You will let it be so.
Where You will, there we will go.
What is Your will? Help us to know.
Lord, when You will, the time is right.
In You there's joy in strife.
For Your will I'll give my life.

To ease Your burden brings no pain.
To forego all for You is gain,
as long as I in You remain.

Because You will it, it is best.
Because You will it we are blest.
Till in Your hands, our hearts find rest,
till in Your hands, our hearts find rest.