The One Who Got Away

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with.. and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall right away, I suppose.I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a long time partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.How often have you gone through it without noticing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big, inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and the little things become the flashpoint of the fact.Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.So that day when you're finally making sense of things and you find yourself to be a different person.

Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single, but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll ever have in your life.If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairytale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure you'll think about him/her so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been" , but it happens.Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know your memories of the person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.But if neither is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple.. find him, find her. Because the very existence of "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away".

You might drop in out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

excerpt from Grey's Anatomy:

Derek: You know what I talked about with the other Grey? All the things this Grey won't let me say.
Meredith: You can say anything to me.
Derek: I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime.
Derek: Mm. See what happens? I say things like that, and you fight the urge to run in the opposite direction. It's ok. I understand. I didn't, but now I do. I do. You're just getting started and I've been doing this for a long time. Deep down, you're still an intern, and you're not ready.
Meredith: I'm not ready right now. But things can stay the way they are, and I can get ready. I'll get ready.
Derek: Things can stay the way they are. We can still meet in the elevator, the on-call room, and maybe you'll get ready. And I'll wait. I'll wait until you're ready.
Meredith: Ok, then...
Derek: Yeah, but what if, what if while I'm waiting, I meet someone who is ready to give me what I want from you?
Meredith: What if you do?
Derek: I don't know...

Atenista Ako

Atenista ako. Pero marunong akong mag-diretsong Tagalog. Atenista ako. Pero marunong akong makipagtulakan sa MRT at isiksik ang sarili ko sa kakarampot na espasyo sa jeep. Atenista ako. Pero hindi ako gumagasta ng libo-libo sa isang pares ng sapatos o sa isang jacket. Wala akong kotse, wala akong driver, at lalong-lalo nang wala akong Wii o X-box o Play Station para mag-Guitar Hero at Rock Band maghapon. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako singtalino at sing-galing ng ibang Atenistang meron ng mga bagay na to. Hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako bagay na mag-aral sa isang sikat na unibersidad. Hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako Atenista.

Madalas nababansagang maarte kaming mga Atenista dahil sa pananalita namin. Pero matalino lang ang mga estudyante ng Ateneo. Ang kapaligiran, mga propesor, ang estilo ng pagtuturo at pamamalakad ay dinisenyo para manganak at magpalaki ng mga studyanteng hindi lang napipilitang mag-aral ng mabuti, kundi ginugusto talagang maging mahusay sa akademya. Walang masamang maging magaling mag-Ingles. Walang masamang maging gamay makipag-usap sa mga dayuhan. Walang masamang maging marunong makipag-debate at ipaglaban ang pinaniniwalaan mo.

Mareklamo daw kami. Bakit, sa La Salle ba, walang nagrereklamo sa lakas ng ulan? Sa UP ba, walang nagrereklamo sa init ng panahon? Sa Benilde ba, walang nagluluksa pag walang kuryente o mabagal ang wi-fi? Hindi kami naiiba sa inyo. Sa lahat ng mga ganito pa rin ang ideya tungkol sa mga Atenista, wala pa siguro kayong nakakausap na dormer ng Cervini, na galing Cotabato at nagsisikap mag-aral ng mabuti kahit nag-iisa at malayo sa pamilya. Wala pa kayong nakikilalang scholar na minsan kailangang umutang sa OAA para lang may pamasahe papasok. Sila? Nagrereklamo ba sila?

Elitista daw kami. Pero hindi lahat ng Atenista mayaman o feeling-mayaman. Hindi lahat kami “sheltered” katulad nang hindi lahat nang Lasalista negosyanteng Intsik at hindi lahat nang taga-UP aktibista at hindi lahat nang taga-UST ay mga siokoy na lumulusong sa baha. Hindi porke’t “elite” ang school namin “elitista” kami. Hindi porke’t may dalawang Figaro sa loob ng campus namin hindi na namin nasisikmura ang isaw at betamax. Hindi porke’t malinis ang mga banyo namin pinandidirihan na namin ang mga Aeta. Marunong naman kaming manood ng Eat Bulaga at Wowowee at nabalitaan din namin ang break-up nina Dingdong at Karylle. At hindi lang usong damit at UAAP ang inaatupag namin. May pakialam din kami sa mundo. Alam namin ang tungkol sa global recession at krisis sa stock market ng Amerika. Nanood kami ng SONA at naintindihan namin yon. Alam na alam namin ang banta ng global warming, kaya nga hindi na kami gumagamit ng styro. Alam naming importanteng iangat ang estado ng Pilipinas sa mundo, kaya nga kami may JTA. Alam namin ang kalagayan ng mga magsasaka sa Calatagan, kaya nga ginagawa namin lahat ng kaya namin para matulungan sila. At oo, alam naming maraming nagugutom sa mundo, kaya nga Atenista pa rin kami.

Wala pa akong isang buong taon sa Ateneo. Pero alam ko ang mga pinagsasasabi ko. Dahil sa loob ng pitong buwan sa Katipunan marami akong natutunan, nakilala, napuntahan at natulungan. Dahil nakita ko ang puso at talino ng mga taga-Ateneo. Dahil hindi ako maarte, hindi ako feeling mayaman, hindi ako mareklamo, at hindi ako elitista, pero hindi ipinagkait sakin ang pagiging Atenista.

- written by a freshman student

One of Radioactive Sago Project’s albums is entitled, “… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Fashionista Ka Pa Rin”. Vocalist Lourd de Veyra plugs, “Bilhin ninyo ang album namin, “… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Atenista Ka Pa Rin”.

reference: On the meaning of an Ateneo education by Agustin Martin G. Rodriguez, Ph.D. as published in The Ateneo Way SY 2009

On the Meaning of an Ateneo Education

by Agustin Martin G. Rodriguez, Ph.D. (my professor in Philosophy)

To My Fellow Parents:

When my daughter had the chance to finish high school in New York, we agonized about it: I more than her. Her agony centered around the need to moderate her desire to embark on this adventure because she knew it would break my heart. My agony had two thorns. Firstly, I didn’t want her to go because in all our lives, we had never spent more than 2 days apart from each other. Secondly, there was the irony of her studying in the United States. As a nationalist academic and development worker, I always believed that one’s spirit had to be formed with one’s people—among their myths and their sufferings—in order to understand who one is, what one’s responsibilities are and to whom one’s heart belongs. I know to the sophisticated global citizen I would sound archaic and provincial, but I still believe that before our spirit can embrace the world it must be rooted in a home we love. But I knew that the idea of giving up this opportunity was breaking her up inside because, as she said, she might spend the rest of her life wondering what if, so I let her go. She left with the promise that she would come back for college because I still believe that the university years are formative. But we all know how those promises go. Two years in the glitter of a new world could weaken the bindings of promises made in times of great emotions. It has been a year and we are now completely at peace with her decision to leave.

All that I have said is a prelude to why I am writing this piece. I am writing this to explain why I believe her formation in the Ateneo would still be the best for my daughter. I want to clarify to everyone else who raise their eyebrows at me, what I mean when I say that I believe an education here is superior to any ivy league education. Many of my colleagues who know that my daughter has a chance to study in an American university cannot understand why I would prefer that she study here. One of them even exclaimed: “You would prefer that she study here even if she had a chance to study in Harvard!” with a you-are-so ridiculous tone. And to me the answer was “Yes, of course, you’re so ridiculous.” And the reason is simply this: she may get a superior technical education in some top ranking university abroad but only in the Philippines will she have a superior education in being a Filipino for Filipinos.

My daughter wants to be a writer and recently she has had a chance to attend a prestigious workshop in an American university best known as a center for writing. And I was witness to how because of that opportunity, her writing skills have advanced light years from when she left. I have no doubt that if she studied creative writing in one of the US universities known for it, her skills would be strengthened even more. But what would she write about? A great writer is as much about her skill as it is about her great insight. If you have the skill but not the immersion in the profound realities that have formed your soul, what is there to write about? And who would she write for? A truly great writer is one whose passion is fueled by the need to speak for her people, especially the mute. And to even begin to want to speak for them, you have to be grounded in their misery. One’s people are never generic: they take concrete form in the faces that resonate in your heart. I think an education in her own country would prepare her to face the faces that resonate in her heart and perhaps an Ateneo education could awaken the passion to respond to those faces.

I know that many complain that Ateneans lead a very sheltered life in this campus. In an infinite number of ways that is ridiculously true. In the end, the Ateneo is the Ateneo: a separate world from the world of the margins. But what most people don’t understand about the Ateneo, is that the Ateneo is not just about the majors or the specific programs. It is about a spirit that pervades among its best people.

When I was young, I was ready to quit the Church because I was convinced that there were no intelligent and just Catholics. And then I came to the Ateneo where I met Catholics who strove to serve the margins because of their love of God. And because they loved God’s people, they strove for excellence. That realization astounded me and kept me in the Church and in Ateneo. If anything, Filipino Jesuit education just means to teach people that the love of God means nothing but to love the people who suffer forgotten in the margins, and that we strive for excellence in what we do to serve them best: otherwise excellence and the love of God is empty. What else does faith mean? What else grounds excellence? What else measures the good of a life but that? And if you take Ateneo education seriously enough, and if you are open to its opportunities enough, it will lead you to that realization and it will lead you to your first opening to the faces that you will have to serve. At its core, Ateneo education is an apprenticeship in the work of being a Filipino for others. This is only a slogan so long as one misses out on the living examples of alumni, scholars, administrators, maintenance and staff who show us the way to realizing the truth of an Ateneo education. Open your eyes to those who serve radically and they will radically educate your heart. And if one is open enough one can see that such people dwell in this school because there is a spirit in this school that cradles them and supports their vocation. It is intangible, but it is a spirit that guides the best of us.

Some people feel that we are an elite school that cultivates an elite rationality. Radioactive Sago’s brilliant third album is entitled “… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Fashionista Ka Pa Rin.” In one gig, Lord de Vera was plugging their album and he said “Bilhin ninyo ang aming album ‘… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Atenista Ka Pa Rin.’” I could understand his sentiments exactly. Just listen to conversations in the pocket garden where people complain about the heat, their slow laptops and their old school phones and anyone who knows anything about the hardships in our country will easily agree with Lord. But then, if you think about it, although some of our graduates are oblivious to the suffering around them and even if some of them do reinforce structures that exploit the suffering, there is that core of Ateneans touched by the spirit of this school who choose to genuinely build communities founded on justice, to found enterprises that serve true needs, to lawyer for the oppressed, and to doctor for the poor. Many innovations of justice building in our country arise because of their apprenticeships in the magis of our service. We just don’t hear about these things because they don’t find their way into our tarpaulins. But the spirit is there and it is the spirit that defines us more than basketball championships or the number of CEOs we produce. Somehow, because of our formation, Ateneans still tend to be idealistic about service. And so I say “Dahil ang daming nagugutom sa mundo kailangan mong seryosohin ang pagka-Atenista.” This is why, my dear fellow parents, I think an Ateneo education is more valuable for my daughter than a Cornell or Harvard or Princeton education: because here, we learn to be excellent for something important—our people and our Filipino humanity.

Dr. Rodriguez is currently an Assistant Professor of the Philosophy Department of the Loyola Schools. His daughter, Leal, is a freshman in the Ateneo majoring in AB Humanities.

Edited version of “To my colleagues: On the meaning of an Ateneo education”
by Agustin Martin G. Rodriguez, Ph.D.

Eheads for the Last Time

March 7, 2009 and it was The Final Set.

It was dubbed as the “Concert of the Decade,” or continuing the unfinished business. Ehead's music was the soundtrack of my generation. Who would forget “Ligaya,” “Toyang,” and their first hit “Pare Ko” which contains the words... “di ba... !@# Ina!” First came the Ultraelectromagneticpop, Circus, Cutterpillow, Bananatype, Fruitcake, Stickerhappy, Aloha Milky Way, Natin99 and Carbon Stereoxide. Yes, I have them all (in cassette tapes and Cd's). They are the reason why I learned to play the guitar. The Eraserheads brought back to life the alternative rock music scene here in the Philippines.

Hearing their break up six years ago was an end of an era. They went on separate ways. Eheads tried to replace Ely with a female vocalist but it didn't work out. Months after they changed the name to “Cambio” minus Marcus who concentrated on his surfing. The Eheads disbandment lead to form new bands – Sandwich, Pedicab, Mongols, Pupil Marcus Highway, and also the rebirth of The Dawn. But nothing can be compared with the “Heads.”

Why did they disbanded? In an interview I remember Buddy said “they have to move on, like any other bands. They need to grow.” A simple explanation was given by Raims “Ely quits... yun na yun.” And hearing them play again, was a rare opportunity for a person like me who grew up listening to their songs from the beginning until the end.

We arrived at the MOA concert grounds 30 mins before 8pm, and there were people who were there at 4 in the afternoon, just to watch for the very last time four of them playing together. I even saw a schoolmate from UST (in the news... Berns!) who just gave birth and came in a wheel chair, she said in the interview “huli ko na mapapanood sila, hindi ko ito palalagpasin.”

An AVP was shown before the first set, and the countdown began with the alphabet flashing on the big screen, from “Z” to “E”. And lights were lit and the we heard the first song, Magasin and I started shouting and singing at the top of my lungs. There was an adrenalin rush seeing them play again.

The 26 songs played by the band include (in chronological order) Magasin;raymund marasigan Walang Nagbago; Maling Akala; Maskara; Poorman’s Grave; Waiting for the Bus; Huwag Mo Nang Itanong; Slo Mo; Alkohol; Insomnya; Torpedo; Julie Tearjerky; Tikman; Wishing Well; Fine Time; Pare Ko; Kailan; Back 2 Me; Trip to Jerusalem; Spoliarium; Overdrive; SuperProxy; Minsan; Alapaap; Kaleidoscope World and Ang Huling El Bimbo.

In the big screen you can see the sad of eyes of Ely. Maybe just because FrancisM died, and he was supposed to be there. Before the SuperProxy, Ely shouted “Francis! Francis” and the crowd followed. “Para kay Francis!” For me, it was touching, seeing Francis Magalona being flashed on the screen while they sang the Chorus of “Kaleidoscope World.” Paying tribute to a man who loved music and inspired many to love their craft.

It rained confetti while “Ang Huling El Bimbo” was being played. Ely lit up a piece of paper and put on fire the Sticker Happy piano (this piano can be seen on the cover of their 5th album on 1997 entitled “Sticker Happy”) signifying that the “Final Set” is definitely the last time that their fans are going to see them in one stage together, playing their all-time hits. After taking their group bow (yes, not group hug) with sessionist and Itchyworm’s drummer Jazz Nicholas, all four members went backstage. But due to the overwhelming demand of the fans, Raymund, Buddy, Marcus and Ely went up on stage again and did an impromptu performance of Ligaya, Sembreak and Toyang. The performance was really not rehearsed that Ely even missed a few lyrics and still continued singing even after the music was thru. However, the audience doesn’t seem to mind, especially when Ely went down the stage to shake hands with fans, as if throwing his denim jacket, shoes and guitar picks weren’t enough.

Seeing them play again is such a bittersweet experience. I am happy to see them play together again, sad because I know that would be the last time that I will ever saw them play as the “Eraserheads.” When Ely lit up a piece of paper and poured some gasoline in the Sticker Happy piano signified the end of it all. And when Ely shouted “ito na ang Huling El Bimbo!” it was an expression that was the last. Hearing them brought back the memories of 1990's. It was the last time when Raimund Marasigan banged his drums, Buddy Zabala do the back up vocals and the bass, Marcus Adoro plucked the strings of his guitars and Ely sang their hits as Eraserheads.

Their memories will never be forgotten and their legacy (their songs) will forever play in the minds and hearts of my generation, for it has become the soundtrack of my life.

A Kaleidoscope Life

(in memoriam, FrancisM 1965-2009)]

"others grieve, while others curse
And others mourn behind a big black hearse."
- Kaleidoscope World

As far as I can remember, when I was in 3rd Grade I asked my Mom to buy me a particular cassette tape. It was an album entitled "Yo!" by Francis Magalona. It first music album that I had in my entire life. I never get tired of listening and even singing with those song like "Gotta Let You Know" and "Cold Summer Nights". And most importantly singing along with the famous "Mga Kababayan" which became my dad's reminder to me whenever my siblings and I had a fight: "di ba sabi sa kanta 'at sa magkakapatid ay magmahalan dapat ay pag-usapan ang hindi pagkaka unawaan."

How I could I even forget, dialing the radio station early in the morning (yes, I have done that) just to request his song "Man from Manila". How could I ever forget the song "Mga Praning" that talks about drug addiction. And also "Tayo'y mga Pinoy" that gives so much pride having a brown skin and a flat nose.

For me, Francis Magalona is not just a singer. He is an inspiration to the youth who taught me how to love my country and how to be proud as a Filipino. He taught me how to love music, and how to inspire others by their music. His music have influenced me how to be a good Filipino Citizen. He was reason why music had become a very important component of life.

The song like "Girl be Mine" had become a theme song in my college days. "Meron Akong Kwento" and I used his song to inspire when I gave a talk to the youth "Kabataan Para sa Kinabukasan." I tried to remake his MTv of "A Whole Lot of Loving". Who could ever forget the song "Kaleidescope World" which I use as the title of this blog. His words struck me like "you can't have peace if you have a gun." I grew up loving his music, and his messages.

Late this afternoon, a friend texted me "Francis Magalona passed away." I thought she was just kidding, at my office I tried to search the net about the breaking news. There I learned about his passing. This was indeed a "cold summer night." He was an icon of the youth. An icon of the Filipino race and be proud of what God has given you. I was even excited to watch the Eraserheads concert because I know he has a special guest appearance, with SuperProxy.

I am an avid fan of his blog "A Free Mind" which is directly linked in this blog, also because I am into photography. I know for months he had a "Happy Battle" with leukemia. And this afternoon, the happy battle ended. He succumbed to cancer, and went up to his Creator at the age of 44.

I thank you for the music of FrancisM, who have ignited a fire in me, to love one's country and race and remind me to be the "light" of tomorrow, that in my hands I hold the future of country and our world. You have lived a great life Francis, you have ran a great race and fought a good fight and you have inspired many youth and individuals. My childhood was inspired by your songs, and we will continue your fight and ready to defend 3 Stars and a Sun!

"Oras na para kumilos (Make a stand)

Magkapit bisig para sa daigdig (hand in hand)

Mulat na kabataan ang sagot,

'wag masasangkot sa ipinagbabawal na gamot

Kundi'y gamitin ang talino,

maging tunay na bayani, makabagong Pilipino

Sulong kabataan, ipakita ang lakas,

tunay at wagas na pag-asa ng bukas."

- Francis Magalona 1965-2009