Now That I Have You

While I was trying to gather materials from my old files for surprise present for you, I chanced upon this journal entry of mine dated exactly one year ago. Funny how it went, how I told my story. The entry was all about what happened that day of the year, when I was healing myself. I went to the places we have visited and those memories we had. The entry ended with a good wish for you and a promise that I will move on.

That was a year ago. Now who would have thought where we will be a year after that. Words from my heart and soul cannot be contained, feelings that I have wanted so much to share with you today… on your birthday.

You make me fly in a way I’ve never known before. Because of you, I am not afraid to be myself, to be the person that I am always meant to be. You will have all my love, and you will always have. And what you what you do to me… you make me laugh, you make me cry but most of all you make me love you, just the way you are.

I’m sitting here under the sky and stars but my thoughts are miles away. Wherever you are this evening, I wish so much I could touch your face, your hair, that beautiful smile. Just to run my fingers down the side of your face would be heaven to me. Just to look in your eyes and see what I’ve been waiting to see. Just to let you look in my eyes and see my soul as I know you’ve been waiting to do. It’s there Joanne in my eyes. The truth of everything I’ve said to you last year. The truth of my feelings for you. More than mere words can express. I love you is not enough for what you do to me, Anne.

I am no longer afraid of what will happen tomorrow. And it’s not that you haven’t hurt me - because you have - it’s just that somehow, someway you’ve always found a way to let me know you didn’t mean to. You are a complete mystery to me and yet I know you, know you better than I know myself.

I just knew if this was right it wouldn’t go away. It would keep growing and getting stronger in spite of how badly we were both screwing it up. Both of us with baggage from our pasts to help confuse what was happening. We still have and probably always will have baggage that will cause us problems. We will work through them because we both know how much we mean to each other.

I always end up walking into your arms. You always end up making me smile - at you. You always end up making me understand everything. You keep me balanced, you keep me centered and when I find (see) myself walking into your arms I know that I trust you with my life. And I am reminded again that I will always be safe with you.

And I find there is no life without you in it to share it with. Nothing is too hard, nothing is impossible because of you. You make me believe that anything and everything is possible.

Now I know what it is to love and to be loved without conditions and without reservations. And I want to shout it out to the whole world what I’ve found. I shout it out in my heart to God instead. Now that I have found you, not a day goes by that I don’t thank him for leading me back to you. For helping us through this. You never thought we’d make, at times I thought the same.

I never knew what real happiness was until I found you, until I have you. Never knew it was possible to feel this way, to wake up every morning and smile because I love you, because knowing you has brought me a serenity that I never dreamed was possible. Knowing that if I can feel this way and not be with you that what I feel must be real and how much I have to look forward to when we do meet again.

To you my dear wife Joanne, happy birthday! I love you so much.