In God's Hands

Luke 18:9-14
Homily for 28^th Sunday in the Ordinary Time
ACLC Retreat, Sacred Heart Novitiate
October 18, 2004

Perhaps the most relevant question to ask ourselves at the start of this retreat is “why do I pray?” One of the most beautiful answer I heard came from my cousin Malaika before I entered the novitiate. She said “I pray because I want to place myself in God’s hands.” She said those words as a before I left the world and offer my life to God and enter the novitiate 3 years back. Just this past day I realized what she really meant. Malaika or Lalai as is my closest cousin that I have. I remember, we were the Batman and Robin of the family, the laugh trip partner as one of our tita would call us. Whenever we meet, it will be a laugh trip for the both of us, and the never ending re-telling of stories. Of course there is the coffee cup conversations, the ice cream galore and long the walk back home. For me she was more than a cousin, she is my spiritual sister. We talk about God a lot, we share our faith and convictions, I even confide with her about my desire to enter or have another way of life. Whenever I was in distress, she often quote a passage from the bible and text it to me. Distance was never a problem for us, even from a far i could feel her presence that makes me feel secure and consoled. And to think that we have different religion (she was a Born Again Christian) but that did not matter anyway insted, we always complement each other when it comes to our faith in God. This was the reason why she was very dear to me.

In our Gospel today, Jesus tells us about the power of prayer. It is so timely today, as we make this 5-day retreat and immerse ourselves to prayer. Then what is “prayer”? – Prayer is not an “activity”, it’s a “relationship”. Prayer is not so much “doing” but “being”. In today’s Gospel, it draws us to the persistent pray-er. Jesus shows us the necessity of praying always without becoming weary. And this is what Jesus wants to show us today – TRUST. And when we say trust, it is best demonstrated in our surrender. Trust is the heart of faith, surrendering is the heart of worship. Surrendering to him is not a passive resignation, fatalism or excuse for laziness. We trust him not out of fear or duty, but in love, “because he first loved us.” And this what we may see whenever we pray… we place our life into the hands of God. As CS Lewis observed, “the more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become – because he made us. It is when I pray and turn to Christ, when I give myself to his personality, that I first begin to have a personality of my own.” Sometimes the reason why many of us still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t come yet to then end of themselves, we are still interfering with God’s work within us. As William Booth would say “the greatness of man’s power is in the measure of surrender.” We just have to trust Him whenever we pray.

But the widow in the Gospel and Moses in the first reading stands for answered prayers, how about our own unanswered supplications? We know that God loves us; we know that God hears our prayers. But we also know of many times when God seems absent or says no.

Have you ever prayed so hard and pleaded with God will all your heart? Three weeks ago, I recieved news from my Mom saying that Lalai has Lupus or SLE. I searched the net about Lupus; it’s an incurable disease that can resort to many complications. As if it was like your body rejecting your own body. I haven’t seen Lalai since I entered the Society of Jesus and I could not do so because of my work at Loyola House and my Studies. All I can do that time is to pray for her. I really burned the lines to heaven with prayers. My brothers in the community would often hear me during our community masses. All I was asking from Him to make her feel better, after all she was a good Christian. I bargained with God, I pleaded, offered sacrifices and good work and did everything, just for her to feel better.

Last Friday October 15, 2004, just right after the semester ended, I promised myself that I will visit her, my Dad told me that she was looking for me. The trip from Katipunan to Alabang was really streneous. I went early but I was caught in the traffic. Talk about chances. I really want to see her, that would be our first meeting after three years. As soon as I arrived, I saw my Tita crying "Lalai wasn’t here" she told me. My Tita said that she was rushed to the hospital because she had difficulty in breathing. I immediately went to the hospital to see her. I arrived 2:30pm, it was my cousin Jihan who approached me first and crying. I felt numb, then she told me Lalai was pronounced dead at 2:20pm, I was 10 minutes too late. She was only 26 yrs old; she is supposed to celebrate her 27^th b-day tomorrow October 18^th. For a moment my heart stopped, I could not understand the meaning of all of these, I went to chapel shocked, sad, angry. I asked God about my prayers, He remained silent, but I prayed on. I prayed with a confused and resentful heart, but I prayed on.

God did not answer my prayer but what is important is that I know that there was someone to pray to and to trust to. And that in itself the value of prayer – Trust and surrender. We trust God because we are confident in Him that when we allow God who knows us better than we know ourselves, he answers all our prayers in way that is best for us. He answers our prayers in ways so subtle that we fail to understand him. The death of Lalai taught me more to trust and surrender to Him, without knowing where it would take me. I believe in God’s perfect timing without knowing when; to expect a miracle without knowing how, and believe in His purposes without knowing why these circumstances happened the way they did. The Gospel teaches us to pray always and not loose heart. Learn to trust him and surrender to him for he knows the best for us. For God is not a cruel slave driver or a bully, who uses brute force and coerce us into submission. He doesn’t try to break our will, but woos us to himself so that we might offer ourselves freely to him. God is a lover and a liberator, and surrendering to Him brings freedom not bondage. When we trust and surrender to Him Jesus we discover that he is not a tyrant, but a savior; not a boss, but a brother, not a dictator but a friend. Yes, we can trust and surrender to him because He loves us infinitely more that we could imagine. He proves this love for all us when we look on the cross with His arms outstretched and saying, “I love you this much! I’d rather die than live without you.”

Lalai, in our last meeting three years ago she said to me “I place myself in God's hands”. Now I fully understand what she really means. Lalai trusted and entrusted her life to God until the very end. Lalai have run the race, and fought a good fight. And one day, I know we will meet again in a place we always dream of.

Perhaps in this mass we could pray for ourselves that indeed we may learn to be more prayerful and to trust him as we journey in this retreat. Through our prayer let us surrender to His will as we place ourselves in God’s hands. AMEN