Engulfing Silence
I feel orphaned today.
Words are important to come close, but too many words create distance. I feel an increasing desire to be silent today. Not every event has to be told, not every idea exchanged. And let those things flow and let the silence speak from all the confusion within, to give light into this hazy road ahead of me.
I never listened to gossips, nor believed the news that has been going around. I have to see with my own eyes and in order for me to believe. Now the moment has come for me to stop and accept that yes it was true.
My mentor, spiritual director and a friend left already the society and maybe in the future from presbyterial ordination. It was he who guided me for the past 3 years of my life. It was he who fortified and strengthen my desire to serve. Whenever I doubted Him, it was he who showed me that its reasonable to believe, it was he who showed the power of His love to me. He showed me a God who is compassionate, forgiving, merciful, kind, caring and loving. Now, in this few moments of silence am I savoring the treasure of his person, as well as all of those things he taught me.
At first his leaving made me question the very core of my commitment. Doubting the my capability to fulfill it. Here is a person who has spent almost 24 years in the society, pronounced his final vows a year ago and yet decided to go out after so many years. I remember those things he told me when I was having difficulty, does it make him less credible? I believe not. I still believe that what he said is real, all of those things are coming from experience. He had been been discerning for the past years, and this decision gave him peace. He wasn't sad at all when he left, but you can sense that he had peacefulness and joy in his heart. For he had wrestled with that question, and he found the answers that he was seeking. All of those things he told me came from his personal struggles within. And that peacefulness is all what we are trying to seek, and wanted to have. He has chosen, and was happy about it.
I have to move on... alone. With all of the things he told me, he made me to be prepared for this. The inevitability of one's demise is a sign that we are totally dependent on Him alone, that His love and His grace is sufficient enough. As I walk in this shadowy, uncertain and cloudy road on my own, I carry all those things that he taught and showed me. Though I never had the chance father to say this to you, but thank you for all the things you have done for me. I will keep those wherever I go.
Words are important to come close, but too many words create distance. I feel an increasing desire to be silent today. Not every event has to be told, not every idea exchanged. And let those things flow and let the silence speak from all the confusion within, to give light into this hazy road ahead of me.
I never listened to gossips, nor believed the news that has been going around. I have to see with my own eyes and in order for me to believe. Now the moment has come for me to stop and accept that yes it was true.
My mentor, spiritual director and a friend left already the society and maybe in the future from presbyterial ordination. It was he who guided me for the past 3 years of my life. It was he who fortified and strengthen my desire to serve. Whenever I doubted Him, it was he who showed me that its reasonable to believe, it was he who showed the power of His love to me. He showed me a God who is compassionate, forgiving, merciful, kind, caring and loving. Now, in this few moments of silence am I savoring the treasure of his person, as well as all of those things he taught me.
At first his leaving made me question the very core of my commitment. Doubting the my capability to fulfill it. Here is a person who has spent almost 24 years in the society, pronounced his final vows a year ago and yet decided to go out after so many years. I remember those things he told me when I was having difficulty, does it make him less credible? I believe not. I still believe that what he said is real, all of those things are coming from experience. He had been been discerning for the past years, and this decision gave him peace. He wasn't sad at all when he left, but you can sense that he had peacefulness and joy in his heart. For he had wrestled with that question, and he found the answers that he was seeking. All of those things he told me came from his personal struggles within. And that peacefulness is all what we are trying to seek, and wanted to have. He has chosen, and was happy about it.
I have to move on... alone. With all of the things he told me, he made me to be prepared for this. The inevitability of one's demise is a sign that we are totally dependent on Him alone, that His love and His grace is sufficient enough. As I walk in this shadowy, uncertain and cloudy road on my own, I carry all those things that he taught and showed me. Though I never had the chance father to say this to you, but thank you for all the things you have done for me. I will keep those wherever I go.
posted by r a i m e n d o z a at 11:09 AM
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