A Special Love Notes Episode

I am not an avid fan of Joe D' Mango, but I chanced upon a very interesting, different and heartwarming episode. Of course you've heard of Joe D' Mango. He gives advice on love and relationships on Wave 89.1. Have u ever wondered what he does when he has his own love problems? Does he give advice to himself? Does he handle it very well?

One time I was browsing through my mp3 player some radio stations to check out the latest songs I can use for a talk that I was preparing. Then I heard the "Love Notes" theme, I applaud the people who courageously send letters and asked to be helped. It was a Friday morning, when the guru on relationships, Joe D' Mango, read a letter to his wife on his popular radio program Love Notes. For the past 11 years, he had been giving advice to people who would write him letters about their personal problems. To the surprise of his listeners that Friday, instead of reading one of his usual letters, he read one that he had written himself to his wife Bing. Joe felt that he had to tell his listeners that even someone like him could go through a marital crisis, but that he survived it. Luckily I have secured a copy of that episode. Here's how his letter goes:

In our 11 years of marriage it was just the two of us. I never had a close circle of friends and she never had one either. Life for us was just "you and me," day in and day out. We were literally sleeping beside each other for 11 years. It came to point that there was nothing more interesting to talk about. I was aware I was doing that but I never did anything about it. We were so close yet it seemed like we were so distant. Then came her new circle of friends.

They recently had an elementary and high school reunion. Remember her persistent suitor since elementary days? He was there. We already had four daughters and the guy had four kids of his own. They exchanged phone numbers. They started to text each other and this bothered me. a big part of it was insecurity and other part was that she once denied that she was texting the guy.

I felt bad because she started hiding things from me. Then the guy asked her if they could meet for lunch. It became a source of tension between us. I finally agreed, but before that, I told her that I felt that I was going through the same pain again. I have seen so many stories like this. If you told me the first part of the story I would already know where it would lead to.

Bing accused me of being a "know-it-all" person. But deep in my heart I knew where she was heading. Why would a married guy see a married girl unless it was for business or professional reasons? Finally, even if it was against my will, I drove her to the meeting place.

While I was waiting at the radio station, I wanted to call her but knew it wasn't proper. So I just waited for her to tell me how their meeting went.

When she related to me what happened I felt that she was keeping the other details. I was afraid to ask because I wasn't prepared to accept her answers. I told her that it would be best if that was their last meeting. She got mad and told me that I was starting to
control her life.

The following day, I saw a small, torn piece of paper that had the words, "lose you" in the trash can at home. I started picking up the pieces of paper and putting them together. She had written: "Felt sad because I felt that this will be our last meeting." "Wanted to hug you..." Before I could figure out what the third one was, Bing was already at my back. She wanted to get the torn pieces of paper back. She said it was private property. We decided to talk.

By then, I was able to figure out the third line: "Not sure if afraid to lose you." She had crossed it out and beside it, she had written, "Wanted to cry."

That was what hit me. How could you lose something that's not even with you yet? That was a confirmation that she was getting emotionally attached to the guy. We fought because she didn't want to admit it. She said that what she had written was all about friendship and not about love. For the first time in our marriage she asked for freedom from me. For 11 years we were always together, and now this.

She had discovered her own little world and wanted to explore it. I didn't want to give it to her but finally I gave in. I told her that she could do anything she wanted and not worry about how I would feel. In fact, I told her that I was planning to leave her and kids for a while so we could give each other the chance to be alone. We decided to give the new arrangement a try.

The following day, Thursday, I went to work early and she texted me. I never answered back. When I didn't respond, she called me. She said, "I'm sorry. I love you and I miss you." For the first time in our mariage I said, "I love you and I miss you too" with tears in my eyes.

I realized how much I loved her but I also knew how much she wanted her freedom. When I arrived at the station I asked for a leave. My boss advised me to think it over, but he said that he would allow me to go on leave. After letting it all out I felt relieved. It was the first time in my life that I asked for advice about our relationship.

While I was talking with my boss, a messenger arrived with 12 white roses arranged in a basket. It came from Bing. Then a text message on my cellphone came, "I know that no material things can ease the pain that you're feeling right now, but these flowers signify my pure and sincere intentions.

I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."

Still, a question continued to bug me: "I'm giving you the freedom. Will you choose to stay or go on?" I read the card, and it had the answer to my question: "Dear Dad, I finally realized that I made a very big mistake in choosing a newfound friendship at the expense of our long-time friendship. Please forgive me. I will always love you."

Bing called the guy and told him that she wanted to end the friendship. He said that they could just text or call each other.Bing said that there was no need.

We had dinner and talked up to 1 am. It was like getting married all over again. We lost each other and found our way back. I do not want to go through the same pain again.

Friday came and it was the first time in the history of Love Notes that I couldn't do Love Notes. I scheduled a replay. When I was at the station at 9am, I composed a letter to Bing. I was asking myself, should I read this or do a replay? I chose to read the letter. It is not unusual to hear people say "I love you because...," but this story has shown us that the deeper and greater love is having to say "I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF..."

What hurts most?
..when you can't fight for that one thing that would make you happy..
..I may never be the guy you look forward to seeing every day… but I will always be the guy who will look out for you each and every day..

Sad Girl: "don't make me feel that i'm just a selfish jerk just because I made you cry"!
Sad Guy: "then don't make me feel like I did nothing for you when I almost died crying just to see you smile..."
Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And some ask ourselves: Will our actions echo
across the centuries?
Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?

Love isn’t when you can't sleep… it's when you want to keep your eyes open…
Love isn't when you keep holding on… it's when you learn to let go…
Love isn't when you kill yourself with jealousy… it's when you understand…
Love isn’t when you fall for someone… it's when you catch that person when she falls…
Love isn't when you see her everywhere… it's when you close your eyes and she is still there…
Love isn't when you tell her what you feel… it's when you give everything for her sake…
And Love isn't when you think you were blind… it's when you know she was wrong but you didn't mind!

Ang Lihim kong Mundo

Isang kaibigan ang nagparinig nito kantang ito sa akin. Sarili niyang gawa at inawit ng mga dating kalahok sa Philippine Idol. Siguro nga magkahawig ang mga kwento namin sa buhay, kaya rin niya ipinarinig sa akin ito.

May ilang mga bagay alam nating kailanman hindi mapapasa atin, kaya't lumilikha tayo ng isang mundo na kung saan ang mga panaginip ay waring nagiging totoo. Isang lihim na lugar na tanging puso lamang ang nakakaalam. Doon sa paraisong iyon napagmamasdan ang kanyang ngiti. Doon sa paraisong iyon na tigib ng pag-asa, pinakikingan ang mga himig ng pagsamo. Walang mga mapaghusgang mga mata, walang mga pangamba, walang pagtatago at walang pag-aalala.

Ngunit alam at mulat din na tanging hanggang doon na lamang. Magigising sa panaginip, at ang tanging maiiwan ay ang mga bakas na ng alaala ng paraiso na kung saan minsan kayo ay nagkasama. Kaya't pagkatapos ng lahat, pagmamasdan ang unti-unting pagkawala at pagkawasak ng larawang kinunan lamang ng isipan at pilit na babalikan sa mga oras ng pag-iisa.
Doon sa isang lihim na paraiso kung saan nagiging totoo ang lahat.
Doon sa isang lihim na mundong iyon, na tanging puso lamang ang nakakaalam.


[pakinggan ang awit]

Sa Lihim kong Paraiso

Aking iguguhit ang kagandahan mo
sa nilikha kong paraiso
aking kukulayan ng pag-ibig sa iyo
at iuukit sa gitna ng puso ko

aking isusulat sa mga katha
tauhan ka ng pangarap
sasama ka saan ko man naisin
dahil niloob ko na ako’y iyong mahalin

dito lang kasi sa lihim kong mundo
dito lang kasi sa aking paraiso
pinakikingan ang aking sumamo

matapos iguhit ang kagandahan mo
iluluha nang pagkaguho nito
palit aawitin sa bawat umaga
na larawan ka lang sa paraiso
ang lihim kong mundo

dito lang kasi sa lihim kong mundo
dito lang kasi sa aking paraiso
pinakikingan ang aking sumamo

matapos iguhit ang kagandahan mo
iluluha nang pagkaguho nito
palit aawitin sa bawat umaga
na larawan ka lang sa paraiso

sa paraiso
ang lihim kong mundo...

Lessons from the Jedi

The Jedi spirituality is much closer to our spirituality. There is a running joke here that we are a group called the "SJ" which we call the "Society of Jedi's". Learning the way of the force (or the Spirit) which all of us went through a rigorous training for us to see where the force (Spirit) is leading us. These days, I go back to those what I have learned for the Jedi Masters. And its true that we can apply it in our own lives.

The need to reflect, be at peace and calm. Like what we do in the Consciousness Examen:

Yoda: Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
Luke: Vader... Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.

We all have fears, but if those fears would hinder us to do what is right, then we are being swallowed by the evil one. Courage is not the absence of fear, but despite of those fears we learn to face them:

Yoda: Afraid to lose her I think, hmm?
Anakin: What has that got to do with anything?
Yoda: Everything! Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.

On readiness and preparing for the future (assignments and uncertainties) :

Yoda: Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.

On letting go: (this one I must say, my favorite of all. So much truth is being presented here, the need to let go. That is why our founder talks about inordinate attachments which may lead us to evil.)

Yoda: Premonitions, premonitions. These visions you have...
Anakin: They are of pain, suffering. Death.
Yoda: Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?
Anakin: Someone.
Yoda: Close to you?
Anakin: Yes.
Yoda: Careful you must be when sensing the future Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.
Anakin : I won't let these visions come true, Master Yoda.
Yoda: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.
Anakin: what must I do, Master Yoda?
Yoda: Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose.

and last of it all, on death:

Yoda: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn on them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.

Exodus

Last Monday, I said goodbye to a friend who, after 3 years of discerning, found his happiness outside the Society. It was a short goodbye, though I must admit that I am not really good at it. Assuring him of nothing will change, except for the fact that we will no longer see each other everyday. Last Tuesday, an old priest whom I have known when I went to Cebu died last Tuesday morning. I remember him as the gentle giant who presides mass at 6am in the school chapel for kids and teachers. He always laugh at my jokes when I sit beside him at the dining table. He went peacefully with God, and left us permanently.

I am not fond of gossips, but I heard that another friend was thinking about leaving also. I tried talking to him but I feel he needs space to think about it. Each of us need to respect one's disposition and feeling. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. Someone told me that they are not the only one who is thinking abut leaving the society. Another one I know from south, a priest and an old priest too. I don't know what's with this year and it seem to be an exodus for some of us.

I sound like being affected and the answer is yes. Thinking of it is somehow discouraging. However, looking at them and knowing that they are at peace with their decision makes me more envious. I guess that is all we are seeking for, the feeling of peace. Looking at them and knowing that they have searched and found what they are looking and being peace with its all that I ever wanted. I wish that I will have the courage to do whatever God wants me to take. Making the right decision and never look back to whatever I have left. That out of freedom I may be able to choose the right "shoes" and holding on to it forever.

Until We Meet Again

There are rumors going around in our community, but never I imagined that it was my friend whom they are referring to. I have a gut feel that there is something that I need to know. At first I was puzzled why suddenly he wanted to talk to some people. Then I heard that he also wants to talk to our Superiors: our Rector, Vice-Superior and our former Provincial. I smell something not good is going on.

These times are hard for me, plus the pressure of Philosophy comprehensives this week, I have to cram and read some articles, books and countless essays. I no have to time to listen to hearsay and gossips of "who is next", needless to say, I need to drop all of those things as his upperclass brother and listen to what he is going to say. We talked along the corridors of our rooms and the chapel pathway with the usual exchange of jokes and insults first. Then, upon reaching a certain place, I asked him seriously "so what is it are you going to tell me?" "what do you know?" He answered. "I know nothing, I don't believe in gossips, I want to have a first hand info." Then a few seconds of silence. I was shocked when told me bluntly “bro, I am going to leave the Society tomorrow night.” We silently walked, without uttering a word. Then I asked him “kapatid, masaya ka ba sa desisyon mong yan?” Then he told me about what happened in his discernment for the past Christmas break. He told me his analogy of the shoe “I like this shoe, pare… I have saved up for it, made sacrifices for it to have it in my possession but still the shoe doesn’t fit. Bro, I don’t have any reason to stay here” From there I got his point, we continued walking and discussing what is going to happen to him. After we talked, I assured him that we will remain as friends and brothers supporting him to all the decision he makes.

I went back to my study table and stared on my reading list. My mind went blank and after a few moments it dawned on me what he just said. Some people may not understand this, but in this life we have its really hard to see someone close bid you goodbye. We are used to see each other everyday, and the coming days will be more different. For us, there will be no longer veranda tambay in the evening, the secret meetings near the washing machine at 3rd floor CR, there will be no incensing of ghosts in 5th floor (with Gudam), there will be no teasing (others and ourselves), no long stories while driving from Manila to Baguio and back, there will be no SanMig stories and laughing till our eyes decides to sleep. There will be no more coffee moments at 2AM while finishing our papers. All that will remain is our memory of each other that somewhere along this journey our paths have crossed and made each moment bearable and meaningful for a having a true friend at your side. I won’t pretend that I am not saddened by your leaving, but sure enough I promise that I will support you in your decision.

Bro, may your exit to religious life may serve some good, may it allow us to realize that how mere instruments we are and how God’s grace remains with us no matter what happens. God tell us this through Isaiah, the image of a mother nurturing his child is perhaps the greatest symbol of God’s love for us, but should the mother forget his child, God tells us that He won’t forget us.

Till we meet again bro, with this prayer I bid you not goodbye, but until our paths will cross again.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
The sunshine warm upon my face,
My the rain fall softly upon your fields.
And until we meet again, may God hold you
In the hollow of His hands.
- Old Irish blessing.

Big Bang 2007

Since I can't go home on New Year's Eve, I stayed on the top of the Titanic to watch the fireworks display over Marikina Valley. I am not a pyromaniac, but I am just fond of the colorful fireworks display. Welcome 2007! Happy New Year to all!