Alaala ng Pagkabata

Hindi ba't nakakatuwa pag nakakita ka ng mga bagay na magpapaalala sayo ng mga ginagawa mo noong ikaw ay bata? Masarap maging bata, yung tipong wala kang aalalahaning problema, yung wala kang gagawing importante, hindi mo aalalahanin na may babayaran kang kuryente, tubig at telepono. Wala kang deadline sa mga school projects, reports, recitation at thesis. Bawat isa sa atin ngayon (lalo ngayong malalaki na tayo) gustong maging bata muli, pero para sa akin mas gusto kong balikan yung mga larong pambata. Nakuha ko ito galing kay Bob Ong, hindi ko siya kilala... pero pakiramdamdam ko magkasing edad kami... pareho kami ng alaala ng mga larong pambata. Halos lahat kasi sa mga nabanggit niya ay nagawa at nalaro ko na, kaya't minsan masarap magreview ng mga alaala ng pagkabata katulad na lamang ng mga larong pambata.

Pagkagaling kasi dati sa eskwelahan, libre na kami para maglaro buong araw. Hindi tulad ng mga bata ngayon, mas stressedout pa sila sa matatanda dahil sa mga naka-schedule na academic subjects review, piano lesson, computer tutorial, ballet class, basketball training, painting session, at marami pang iba.

Simple lang ang buhay noong araw. Simple lang ang konsepto ng mga bata sa salitang "paglilibang". Solb na sila sa traditional games. Naaalala mo pa ba ang tumbang preso? E yung taguang bato, agawang panyo, takip silim, luksong lubid, hilahang lubid, chinese garter, jackstones, trumpo, saranggola, softball, sipa, siyatong, piko, basagan ng sigay, at sungka? Lahat ng mga larong 'to e nangangailangan ng equipments or materials. Pero no problemo, mga mura lang 'to, at karamihan e bagay na pwede mong makita sa basurahan o bodega n'yo.

Meron ding mga mas matipid na alternatives, talagang wala nang gastos. Eto yung patintero, taguan pung, habulang daga, doctor kwak-kwak, open the basket, touch the color, luksong baka, luksong tinik, pitik-bulag, jack en poy(na tinawag na ngayong bato-bato-pik), sawsaw-suka, at yung mataya-taya--isang uri ng larong habulan para sa mga batang gustong tumakbo nang tumakbo hanggang hikain sila.

Andyan din yung mga larong pwedeng tawaging Sugal For Kids, gaya ng goma, tex at jolens. Pero for formality lang ang mga rubber bands, play cards, at marbles n 'to. Ang totoo, hindi mo na kailangan bumili sa tindahan para maranasan ang thrill ng pustahan. Dahil pwede mong ilaban sa Kalog ang mga bagay na tulad ng balat ng sigarilyo, balat ng candy, at tansan ng mga bote ng beer, softdrinks, toyo, at patis. (Tip: magandang pamato ang mga tansan ng patis!)

Inabutan ko rin noon yung mga larong sadista tulad ng sumpak at sumpit. Masaya 'to, mga monggo ang bala mo. Magtatago ka, tapos titirahin mo lahat ang kalaro mo nang pa-traydor. Maraming na-barangay sa min dati dahil dito. Ang saya!!!

Hindi pa 'yan kumpleto. Syempre meron din tayong mga medyo weird na laro . Isa na dito ang larong hindi ko alam ang pangalan at hindi ko alam kung paano ko ide-describe. Para 'to sa mga batang lalake. Isang pinitpit at pinatalim na tansan ang ikinakabit sa tali na isinusuot naman sa mga hinlalaki ng magkabilang kamay. Paiikutin mo ang matalim na tansan na parang chain saw, tapos itatapat sa kalaban mong may hawak ding ganito. Panalo ka pag napatid mo yung tali nung kalaban. Talo ka pag tumalsik sa mukha mo yung blade at sumirt ang maraming dugo.

Kung mahilig ka sa mga brutal na kasiyahan, pwede mo ring pagtripan ang mga gagamba. Kailangan mo lang ng walis tingting o stick ng banana-Q at dalawang nagbubugbugang gagamba (disqualified ang gagambang-alikakabok at gagambang-talon). Kung gusto mo naman, pwede ring pagpustahan ang dalawang salagubang. Pagdikitin lang ang mga likod nila ng nginuyang bubble gum at ilapag sila sa sahig nang patagilid. Kung sino ang unang makatayo, yun ang panalo. Tiyak mag-e-enjoy ang buong pamilya.

Samantala, kung may ant farm ang mga taga-ibang bansa, meron din tayo, original at mas masaya pa. Madalas ako dating mag-ipon ng ipis sa loob ng bote ng softdrinks, o kaya naman, mga millipede o garapata sa loob ng transparent na lalagyan ng film ng camera. Pag sawa na 'ko, binubuhusan ko ng alcohol ang mga alaga ko. Minsan iniihian ko para mas cool!

Isa pang paborito kong laro e yung bangaw na may sinulid. Humuli ka lang ng malaking bangaw (yung makintab ang pwet) at dahan-dahan na pisain ang tiyan nito. May lalabas na kulay puti sa pwetan nito (na hanggang ngayon e hindi ko alam kung ano). Dito mo itatali ang sinulid, at presto, meron ka nang kaibigang bangaw na pwede mong sundan kahit saan!

Sa mga kababaihan naman, hindi mawawala yung aral-aralan, bahay-bahayan, luto-lutuan, at yung mga papel na manika. Eto yung mga larong makalat, dahil pagkatapos, asahan mong marami silang iiwanang mga durog na chichiria, mga ginupit na papel, at mga halamang hiniwa, tinadtad, at niluto sa "bahay" nila. At syempre pag may niluluto, may apoy. Madalas nagsasabay yung lutu-lutuan at bahay-bahayan. Naluluto yung bahay. Kaya kaaway ng mga bumbero ang larong 'to.

Marami-rami na 'yan, pero kung wala ka pa ring naaalalang sinalihang laro dati, malamang e ikaw yung loner na tipo ng bata. Kuntento ka na sa pamamakyaw ng mga maaalat na chichiria sa katabi n'yong tindahan, o sa pag-arkila ng mga Funny Komiks. Ayos na rin sa'yo yung pagpapaikot ng gulong sa kalsada, yung bang mga nakikita sa junk shops. O kaya naman e yung magnet, na ididikit mo sa kung saan-saan tapos masaya ka na. Andyan din yung pagpapaputok ng pinalobong plastic bag, yun bang transparent na plastic na pinaglagyan ng mga sibuyas na binili sa palengke. O kaya e yung pagligo sa malakas na ulan, kasama na d'yan yung karerahan ng bangkang papel sa kanal at yung paglulublob sa baha.

Yan ang pinagkakaabalahan ng mga bata . At ang mga maririnig mo sa kalye, ganito: May dumi sa ulo Ikakasal sa Linggo Inalis, inalis Ikakasal sa Lunes (Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sikreto ng kantang 'to, pero hindi 'to pumalpak kahit kelan. Pag kinantahan mo ng ganito ang bata, automatic na pilit nitong tatanggalig ang dumi sa ulo n'ya, kahit wala.)

Wala sa likod, wala sa harap Pagbilang kong tatlo nakatago na kayo Isa, dalawa... (sisilip ang taya) ...Game? (Sisigaw naman ang isang nagtago: "Game!" - - s'ya ang kadalasan ang laging unang nakikita.)

Letting it Out

(a letter to someone who will never read this)

There were so many things that's been happening to me for the past few days and I haven't talked to anyone for so long. I feel I've been lost, no bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north. I could always steer for home when you were my home.

Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think some mistake's been made and I am waiting for God to take it back. But I am doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me.

You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from that dream is a feeling of peace...
I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I am writing to tell you that I am on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I am sorry about so many things.

I am sorry I didn't take better care of you so you never spent a minute being cold or scared or sick. I am sorry that I ever fought with you. I am sorry I didn't apologize more, I was too proud. I am sorry I didn't bring you more compliments, I am sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I am feeling.
I am sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strenght... that even God couldn't pull you away.

If only I could hold you once again, and hear these words from you...

A Test of Obedience

Last Tuesday, I met the Director of GK Ateneo on my way to my morning class. He told me about the current problems in Gabaldon that needed immediate response. “We are going on Thursday in Gabaldon, would you like to go with us? You can help us sorting the trouble, we will leave Thursday morning at 9 AM and be back at night” he asked me. Of course I want to help, it has been four months since I last saw Gabaldon and I have spent my whole summer this year in that area, it was home for me. Hearing some news about them, and all of those problems I want to help. However, there is still a problem –asking permission.

You see, I can’t go wherever and whenever I wanted to go. I have to ask permission. A vow I took last may 2004. The only answer I gave him was “yes, I wanted to go, but I will ask my superiors first.” After my class, I rushed to the computer and typed my letter of asking permission for out-of-town trips. I thought it was going to be easy and they will allow me to go because my class during Thursday ends at 9 AM after that nothing follows, then my only class on Fridays are from 130-230 PM. I have conditioned myself going to Gabaldon but the following day, I received my superior’s response:

In my opinion, the reasons for going to Gabaldon are not sufficient. Consider this: a)that is not your apostolate. b) September 14 are class days (the semester is ending; you need to focus more on studies). I suggest you think and discern over this first, then if you really think that you should go to Gabaldon – present your case to the Rector.

For me I have spoken my reasons enough: though it was not my apostolate now, but it was my apostolate last summer, and having lived there for a month I they thought that my presence would be important (as a matter of fact the GK-Ateneo Director asked me if I could intervene), and yes though it was a class day, I am sure that I wont be missing any of my classes during the week (thinking that I just have finished my 50-page paper and my report I wont be missing anything important) with the duration of the meeting given.

Inside me, there is a conviction that I NEED TO GO whether or not I am allowed or not. The other bros don’t have difficulty in asking permission, they just go but here I am, wanting to do the opposite and go on with my own decision, for I feel that time they have misjudged my own thinking. I do have a choice that time, go and do not let anyone know that I am going, besides they will never find out (I will leave in the morning and be back in the evening) I have accustomed myself of going, but the other choice was: simply obey.

Thinking that I will have the courage to do the “right thing” I resulted to prayer, just to clear of my mind and get “His” approval. Inside prayer, I do have mix feelings on my decision to go, the fact that I will disobey my superiors and go on my own, but I tried to shrug it off thinking this is the right thing. So that night, I packed my bags and I was ready to go though something tells me that there is something wrong.

That feeling remained the following morning, 2 hours before I left for Nueva Ecija. I asked myself; even if I go I will never be at peace and concentrate on the meeting because I have to think the repercussions after (if someone finds out) and what I am doing now will be a reflection what I will become in the future. Thinking of the promise that I have made and my identity as a religious things became clearer for me. Then I texted the Director and told him this “sorry, it seems that I could not go with you today. After praying last night I felt something is not right, I have a vow and breaking them would reflect the kind of person I am. But next time I will secure the proper permission so that I could go without hiding anything”

Thanks to prayer that lead me to a peaceful decision, I think it was God who prevailed. Though I really wanted to go, I have to face the fact that I am not an ordinary person. My superiors have trusted me and given me freedom and I don’t want to abuse that freedom which means I have to be responsible enough. This time I want to make things right. One way of thinking with the Church, that I am not alone but part of a larger Society of Jesus. This is just an example of some struggles of an everyday life as a religious. The vow of obedience enables me to be free; free by my vow of obedience, to respond to the call of Christ as made known to me by Him whom the Spirit has placed over the Church, and to follow the lead of their superiors who has all authority over me.

A Mother's Hold

(on the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows)

Do you still remember when you were a little child, and you hurt yourself you cant help but cry. And your mother came rushing to you asking you where does it hurts. Then she will blow or maybe kiss the part that hurts and suddenly you felt its gone and you will return playing again. For me this is the mystery of a mother’s hold, a mother’s touch, it’s a magic in a make believe world of a child. But now that we are old do we still believe that a mother’s hold and touch would make all our pain and other afflictions go away?

When I was in college, while facilitating a prayer session among members of my organization, I heard this beautiful story of about a mother and her daugther. The story was told that there was this girl, who was born minus one ear. Growing up shy, withdrawn and often hurt because of her defect. Her mother always felt her pain, more than everybody else. On the girl’s 18^th birthday, she was brought by her mother to for an ear transplant operation which turned out to be successful. This changed her whole life, she become free and outgoing. And then she met the man of her dreams. The night before her wedding, her mother held on her, and she embraced her mother so tight - and the girl found out for the first time that her mother no longer had one ear. It turned out that the ear transplanted on her was that her mother whom she often hurt, shouted at and take for granted all these years.

Today we celebrate the memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows. I think it’s a continuation of the yesterday’s celebration, the triumph of the Cross. In our gospel today, we hear Jesus entrusting and giving His own mother to His beloved disciple. Mary at the foot of the cross seeing her only son dying, suffering on the cross. She does not cease to be the Mother of Jesus. The life of Mary is intertwined with that of her son, His joys, sorrows and glory are also hers. Can you imagine the sorrow and the pain of Mary. It was a sword piercing her heart. In my 30-day retreat, I was there and to witness and even feel with Mary her pain and sorrow while seeing her son crucified, shamed and mocked. However, the most touching scene in my prayer that captured everything how Mary felt during that time was the Pieta. The picture of Mary cradling the lifeless body of her son taken down from the cross. Mary helplessly crying and confused, everything was a part of the “yes” she gave the angel in the annunciation? But then, she continued to believe, trust God and leave everything to Him.

Our Lady of Sorrows reminds us that standing by with Jesus when he bears our sins on the cross, and His mother suffering with Him until the end. Jesus gave us His mother to be our mother also. Mary willingly shared in the suffering of Jesus, she accepted the mysterious design of God’s will. Our mother always felt our pain, more than everybody else. We too have our crosses and trials, and sometimes it almost crushes us to the ground and wanting to run away form it. Sometimes we cant stand it anymore and wanted to give up. We all have experiences of pain, and personally experiencing those things makes me wonder, there are times I am tempted to say "Ayoko na... I give up." I remembered what a friend priest told me when he was in the same shoes where I am now: “You know when Jesus was crucified, all disciples fled and abandoned Him, all except one – John. Why did John did not abandoned Jesus? According to that priest, John too, wanted to run wanted to run away. But the blessed Mother held on him so could not run away… And with a smile he advised me “stay close to the Blessed Mother, and you will not abandoned Jesus.” because our mother always feel our pain, more than everybody else. For Christ gave us His mother to be our mother also. When we are down, afflicted with so much pain, problems and issues, Mary our mother is there for us. When the endless process put us in desolation, just look at our Mother and compare the anguish and pain she received, our pain was nothing. But Our Mother kept on believing on God’s mysterious will, and even trusted God until the end. And that is the magic of a mother's hold, Mary our Mother always holds us close to her Son and leads us to path going to the Father.

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.

Krus ng Buhay

kapistahan ng Pagtatagumpay ng Krus (Triumph of the Cross)

Sa Lumang Liturhiya ng pagsamba sa Krus, ang paanyaya ng punong tagapagdiwang ay inaawit ng ganito: Masdan ninyo ang kahoy na Krus. Dito nakabayubay ang Mananakop ng mundo.

Ngayon ang kapistahan ng Pagtatagumpay ng Krus, sa araw na ito, ang krus na nasa sentro ng ating pagdiriwang, sa gitna ng araw na ito, naparito tayo upang sama-sama pa ring ipagdiwang ang isang bagay: ang Krus – ang kahoy na krus kung saan nabayubay ang Mananakop nating lahat. Ang krus ang ating minamasdan. Itong krus ang ating sinasamba.

Pero kahit saglit, maari kaya nating pagmunihan? Kapag ako ay inaanyahayang tingnan ang krus, ano nga ba ang aking napagmamasdan? Isang lalaking patay. Pinahirapan at saka pinatay. Isang katawang sunog ang balat sa tindi ng araw, isang katawang naglilibag sa alikabok, pawis at dugo, sugat-sugatan, bugbog ang laman. Isang taong namatay sa gitna ng pag-iisa at kalungkutan, sumisigaw, "Diyos ko, Diyos ko, bakit mo ako pinabayaan?" Sa iba-ibang bersyon ng mga sinaunang teksto ni San Markos, ganito ang nasusulat: "Bakit mo ako binigyan ng kahihiyan?" "Bakit mo ako isinumpa?" At kung mapapansin ninyo, tumatawag siya, "Diyos ko, Diyos ko." Ang dati'y nakaugalian na niyang tawaging "Ama ko," ngayon ay tinatawag niya nang pormal, "Diyos ko." Para bang sa oras na iyon, kahit si Hesus ay nag-aalinlangan kung siya nga ba ay totoong anak ng Diyos na kanyang Ama.

May mas lulungkot pa ba? Na ikaw ay iwan sa pinakamatinding oras ng iyong pangangailangan ng isang pinagkatiwalaan mo ng buo mong buhay? Na ikaw ay ilagay sa kahihiyan sa harap ng maraming tao? Na ikaw ay isumpa, pabayaan? May sasakit pa ba sa tatlong oras na ikaw ay nakabayubay sa krus, pinagtatawanan, namamanglaw, nag-iisa, namatay na walang dumaramay, walang kasama?

Dalawang libong taon na, ang tao ay naghahanap ng sagot sa kung bakit si Hesus ay pinabayaan ng kanyang Diyos sa mga oras na iyon. Ngunit walang malinaw na sagot. Ang lahat ay nananatiling hiwaga. At lalo pang nagiging mahiwaga dahil, sa kabila ng walang malinaw na sagot, bilyong mga tao sa kasaysayan ang naniwala at patuloy na naniniwala sa kabanalan ng krus. At hindi ba ito nakapagtataka?

Ang buhay nga raw ay puno ng mga krus. Wala sa atin ang may gusto ng mga krus na papasanin, at araw-araw makikita natin ang ibat-ibang mukha ng krus sa buhay ng tao. Isang anak na sa kabila ng maraming pagmamahal na iyong ipinakita ay nalulong sa masamang gamot. Isang asawa, na sa kabila ng iyong katapatan, ay nagawa kang ipagpalit sa iba. Isang anak, na sa kabila ng ginastusan mo para makapagtapos ng pag-aaral ay mabubuntis lamang at sasama sa kung sinong lalaking ni hindi mo kilala. May mga tanong ang kapanahunan na hindi natin mahanapan ng sagot. Bakit kailangang masunog ang aming bahay o mawalan ng trabaho ang aking Tatay sa gitna ng aming kahirapan? Bakit ang aking nag-iisang anak pa ang kailangang magkaroon ng kanser? Bakit patuloy na namamatay ang maraming tao sa kahirapan at digmaan?

Sa pagsamba natin sa Krus, maimulat sana tayo sa katotohan na ang Diyos rin mismo ay nagpasan ng Krus ngunit napagtagumpayan. Nawa sa pagdampi ng ating mga labi sa krus na mahal, masagi rin natin ang kabanalang naghahari sa puso ng bawat isa sa atin. At harinawang iyon ang magbigay ng sagot sa pinakamalalim nating mga katanungan sa buhay. Sagot na mahahanapan lamang sa pinakamalalim nating katanungan sa buhay. Sagot na mahahanapan lamang sa pagmamasid natin sa Kristong nakabayubay. Sapagkat ito ang atin din namang karanasan. Ito ang iyo at aking karanasan. Sa titingin ako sa krus, hindi ba nakikita ko ay aking sarili? Nahihirapan at nagtatanong? Nalulungkot, nag-iisa. Madalas bigo at nagdurusa.

Ngunit Salamat! Salamat na lamang at sa puso ng ating pananampalataya ay isang Kristo na dumanas ng sarili kong karanasan sa buhay. Isang Kristo na nagwaring pinabayaan siya ng kanyang Diyos, oo, ngunit hinarap – nang buong giting - ang kanyang kamatayan para sa ating lahat. Iyan ang sinasabi ng Ebanghelyo. Iyan din naman ang sinasabi ng ating Kredo: Nagkatawang-tao siya upang ialay ang kaligtasan para sa ating lahat. Upang sa gayon ay hindi na tayo muli pang mag-isa. Upang sa gayon, magkaroon ka na ng karamay. Upang sa gayon sa tuwing titingin ka sa Krus at pagmamasdan iyon, hindi mo lang nakikita ang sarili mong paghihirap at pagdurusa, sapagkat iyon ay makasarili. Hindi mo lang nakikita na ikaw lamang ang nasasaktan, sapagkat hindi iyon totoo. Bagkus upang sa gayon, sa tuwing pagmamasdan mo ang Kahoy na Krus, nakikita mo ang sugat niya, kasama ng mga sugat mo. Napagmamasdan mo ang kahirapan niya, kaisa ng mga kahirapan mo. Tinitingnan mo ang pagdurusa niya, kaugnay ng mga pagdurusa mo. Iyon ang kahulugan ng pananahan ng Diyos. Iyon ang kahulugan na sabihing ang Krus ang dakilang tanda ng pag-ibig ng Diyos.

Mga kapatid, halina! Ating sambahin ang Kahoy na Krus, sapagkat dito'y nakabayubay ang ating Kaligtasan – si Kristo na Mananakop ng mundo.

Teacher's Legacy

(memories of being a high school teacher)

An American educator Henry Adams once said, “A teacher affects eternity, no one can tell where his/her influence stops.” I never dreamed being a teacher; nor I never thought that I would be productive in that field because I think I do not possess the qualities of being a teacher. I remember a friend who used to teach high school students. She wanted to throw her students outside the window, because her students are pain in the ass and gave her much trouble inside the school. I could never see myself in the same position that my friend saw herself in. However, it seems that God is so good that He wanted to test this “dream” when my Rector sent me to teach High School at Miriam Adult Education . Most of these guys are working as household help, or a mechanic, or those who wanted to continue thier studies after a long period of time. Some of them are of my age, but most of them are far more advanced which means they have already grandchildren. I was dumbfounded (thinking teaching was not a thing for me). I consider myself as an average formand compared to the great intellectuals of my batch, I am not a “genius” in the real sense of the word, I was even struggling in my studies and here I am, assigned as teacher (oh boy!). However, bound by obedience, it was Him who asked me "to go wherever there is a greater need". having thought of it my perspective have changed. I prepared myself for this new adventure that was given to me.

The first time I walked into the halls of Miriam College, going to my first ever class in my entire life, it was like hearing the soundtrack of the film “Dangerous Minds”. “As I walked to the valley of the shadow of death…” Some teacher said to me that teaching in high school is the acid test of all teachers in the world. I do not know why, and I am going to find out.

As soon as the bell rung, I went to the room assigned to me. It was first year level high school, I have 33 students most of them are age 21 and above, the oldest is 46. I am tasked to teach CLE which is the Sacraments. Before I entered, a teacher passing by aided to my counsel: “be careful with those students, they are so unruly.” I shrugged and with an innocent look said to her "what have got myself into?" She posed a mischevious smile and said "you will see..." And true enough, as soon I opened the door I was shocked when I saw them. Most of them were standing; others were throwing crumpled paper to each other, and most of them were talking to their seatmates. The same scene you will see when you go to a market. I watched them as I stood in front of the black board. They knew that I was the new teacher for this year but they did not stop from what they were doing, until I shouted: “SIT DOWN!” and I slammed the door. They were shocked. They quickly ran to their seats and laughed at each other. I introduced myself, I wrote my name on the board. I could hear that time that someone was talking at my back. I faced them and a student said, “step aside sir! I am copying something” I felt that moment my whole body changed; eyebrows raised, eyes wide open, my biceps grown big, I thought my chest burst out and transform into the Incredible Hulk. I stood firm and sharply looked on them [they called scary stare]. I shouted as I told them my rules in the class. The writ of hebeas corpus was suspended, no one was allowed to talk until I said so, no one was allowed to move unless I said so, it was Che Guevarra+Hitler on the rise. One of the styles I learned from old teachers there… be “astig”.

Scuba divers said while they are in any depth of an ocean “it’s a different world down there.” Skydivers while up in the sky would say, “it’s a different world up there”. Being a high school teacher, I could only say, “it’s a different world at the teacher’s table.” Different. Far different. For a student, it is hard to think why it is that teachers are so irritated whenever they hear a noise. Being a teacher, I find it hard to think a student would die if they did not make any noise. I could hear anything, even the slightest whisper, it seemed that I have acquired a powerful sonar device.

After the succeeding weeks, it was my first time to experience staying up late to prepare for my teaching class. I realized that time that it is really hard to be a teacher. You have to plan every lesson, at the same time you need to study. Whatever you learned from the past also changes and whatever you have learned in the past needs to be enhanced. Your class is like your family; they are your kids and you are the parent. The problem of a student is also your problem. Whatever affects their studies will affect the way that you teach. If ever you lack in some other areas, you will be accountable to your boss – the Principal.

I don’t know if it's Stockholm Syndrome that I feel whenever I sit on the teacher’s chair but my respect had grown even higher for the said profession. I think teaching is the most sacred work in the world. After kids learn how to walk, their parents entrust them to the care of a teacher. A single teacher guides a class of fifty students. Fifty lives, fifty dreams, and fifty hope of the future. A teacher had an accountability how many from those fifty would lead the country, be an artist, be an illegal recruiter, be a killer, would discover an antidote to AIDS, be a tycoon or be another teacher.

A teacher affects eternity. Plato was a student of Socrates. Plato taught Aristotle. Aristotle became the teacher of Alexander the Great who became the King of Macedonia and is considered as the greatest military general in the history of humankind. After how many thousand years who would say that Socrates’ influence has stopped?

The teachers are the “new heroes” of this generation. However, they are not given that much recognition because they do not contribute to the financial aspect of the country unlike the OFW’s. Most of the teachers I knew before lived in small houses and struggling to survive for their everyday expenses. I got this notion from them that there is no money in teaching. If ever it has, you will not get rich with it. Domestic helpers outside the country have larger salaries than teachers do here. If you need money, do not teach. If you think that teaching is just work, you will experience many difficulties. This is a mission… a “vocation” just like what a friend teacher once told me.

There are many things that a teacher teaches to students unexpectedly; and there are many things that a student learns from his/her teacher without knowing it. “A teacher affects eternity; no one can tell where her/his influence stops.” For all those beautiful and ugly lessons that was not integrated in the lesson plan and that is not included in the miscellaneous fee I paid, I thank all my teachers and the teachers in the world.

Nakakatawa o Nakakaiyak?

Minsan may isang kaibigan ako na nagtanong ng ganito: “ikaw ba, naiin-love ka pa rin ba?” hahaha! medyo nagulangtang lang ako sa kanya ang pinaka safe na sagot dito ay “teka kapatid, saan ka nangagaling?” Sa totoo lang maraming pwedeng isagot dito: sa isang maka Diyos at relihiyosong paraan (naks! holy... 1 Cor 13:4-13), sa isang pabiro ngunit seryoso (meron ba noon?), sa isang analogia (ooopssss... nagpaka nerd na naman) o sa pinaka baduy na paraan, ang seryosong usapan (pero gaganda ito pag kasama si San Miguel Arkanghel [as the SPIRIT moves] at kumakanta si Pido hahahaha!). Natutuwa ako dahil ito na lang ang sinagot ko sa kanya “ano sa tingin mo?” (hatalang ayaw sagutin ang tanong -- madaya)

Medyo malawak kasi ang usapin ng pag-ibig. May nabasa ako kamakailan lamang, pinadala sa akin ng isang kaibigan. May tama lang sa akin ang mga sinabi niya kasi parang mgakatotohanan ang lahat ng binanggit niya tungkol sa pag-ibig. Nakakatawa daw kasi ang love, parang isang malaking oxymoron daw. Tinignan ko ulit ang ibig sabihin ng oxymoron baka kasi hindi lang kami nagkakaintindihan, pero ang sabi: Oxymorons (or oxymora) are literary figures of speech usually composed of a pair of neighbouring contradictory words (often within a sentence). However this is not always the case. The Webster Dictionary defines oxymoron as "a combination of contradictory or incongruous words. Sige, sige pareho nga kami ng sinasabi, pero paano nanging oxymoron ang love? Minsan nga daw kasi, lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya, kahit baliktarin mo man ay totoo pa rin. Ang labo diba? Pero ang linaw. Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal. Di mo naiintindihan pero naiintindihan mo. Walang rason, maraming rason. Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin. Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang. anak ng… leche! ano nga ba talaga?!

Ikunuwento niya sa akin, may kaibigan nga daw siya, sabi niya dati "Love is only for stupid people." Nakakatawa kasi ito yung pinaka matalinong kaklase niya at valedictorian ang standing niya, pero dumating ang panahon, na-in-love din ang hunghang. At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon. Lahat kasi ng nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din. O kaya paminsan, nagiging moron lang at dito marami akong nakilala na nagpaka moron dahil sa pag-ibig.

Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig. Lahat ng bagay nababaligtad din ng pag-ibig. Lahat ng malalakas na tao ay humihina (tignan mo si Samson). Ang mayayabang ay nagpapakumbaba (katulad ni Martin Heidegger). Ang mga walang pakialam, nagiging Mother Teresa (may nakilala akong nag-Gawad Kalinga para lang makasama si… hahaha chismax ito). Ang mga henyo, nauubusan ng sagot (hahaha! matematician pa ha-- sino nga ba ito?). Ang malulungkot, sumasaya. Ang matitigas, lumalambot. (At tumitigas din ang mga bagay na madalas nama'y malambot --kayo na bahala na mag-isip kung ano man yun) Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. "Ngayon ko lang nalaman ganito pala. Huhuhu! Sabi ko na nga ba eh! " "Ang sarap mabuhay. Pwede na 'ko mamatay. Wooohoooo Now na!"

Ito pa ang nakakatawa, lalo na kapag dumadating siya sa mga taong ayaw na talaga magmahal, as in nasaktan o iniwan, basta na bigo o na brokenhearted. Napansin ko lang, parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in-love ulit, sabihin mo lang ang magic words na "Ayoko na ma-inlove! (ipagsigawan mo dapat, may kasamang 'promise')" biglang WHAAAPAK! Ayan na siya. Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman.

Isa pang nakakatawa, kaya nga nagustuhan ko ang sinabi niya. Marami nang lumapit sa akin para humingi ng payo tungkol sa pag-ibig (kaibigan, kaklase, kasama, kabarkada, kahit na mga kamag-anak, akala kasi nila ako si Joe d' Mango) ito lang ang napansin ko na pagdating sa problema ng ibang tao, ang galing-galing ko, pero pag problema ko na yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng ipinayo ko dun sa namomroblemang tao. Naiisip kong wala namang mali dun sa mga sinabi ko. Pero bakit parang wala ring tama?

At hindi lang 'yon. Ang sarap din pagtawanan ng mga taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila (ehem!) eh magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Haaayyyy…. Tapos pag luray-luray na yung puso nila, siyempre hindi sila yung may kasalanan. Siya! "Bakit niya 'ko sinaktan?" May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon at pagbabagsak ng pinto o pagpatak ng luha…. Tsk… Hayop talaga.

Ewan ko, medyo may tama lang sa akin ang binasa ko. Haayyyy mauubos ang buong hapon at magdamag ko kakasabi ng mga bagay na nakakatawa pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-uusapan. Kasi naman ang daming beses ko na rin kasi siya nakasalubong kaya masasabi ko nang eksperto na 'ko, pero ang totoo... wala pa rin akong alam.

Pero ang pinaka nakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang kapag gustong magpatawa ng pag-ibig, pucha! Ipusta mo pa ang lahat ng ari-arian mo...
Dahil siguradong ikaw ang punchline!

Nakakatawa no?
Nakakaiyak.

Paper Crap

I am spending sleepless nights the past few days, because of this 50-page paper, 10 size font courier-new with 1 inch margin on all sides talking about Plato as not and idealist (I have a separate and dissenting opinion regarding the matter). Plus our teacher gave this project with only 3 weeks of preparation. Sheeessshhh… Four weeks ago, this professor asked us to make a 12 page paper regarding the matter above (supra) citing Jurisprudence or the constitution to prove our claim in Plato’s Laws. I thought this is going to be easy, 12 pages are manageable. But, in that same week he changed again the stipulation: “now you have to go down town Manila and take pictures and show what Plato is describing about the polis [Polis – Greek city states] and try make an scrap book” (or call it crap book. fyi sir, polis in Plato's time are small villages and towns and you can't see it in Manila. Manila is a METROpolis). However the last instruction was : “per chapter of the book, choose two important points and connect it with the present laws of the land”. Whatda….!@#$

This is absurd! A 50-page paper?!? He changes the stipulation almost every meeting we have, I wonder what will he is going to do next (maybe bring all the Justices of the Supreme Court to prove our his claim). I wonder if he is going to read it all (90 students X 50 pages of paper = 4500 of papers to read) he doesn’t even have time to come to class early (always 15-25 minutes late) grrrrr….. Even some Jesuit fathers were “amazed” by what he is asking us to do “certainly, he is out of his mind…” Maybe I should take their advice (even some respective Jesuit professors told me this) that in the middle of your write a prayer like the Our Father, Hail Mary or even the Apostles creed (these fathers really have a sense of humor) he won’t be reading it anyway. I don’t get the whole point of this paper… arrrggghhhhh…. This paper is pure 100 percent crap! It is unreasonable, more lethal than the doctoral papers. This professor has forgotten the term tantum-quantum not many but much, the quality over the quality.

Now, I think he wants to prove the justice is the hands of the powerful. However, after reading the constitution in a democratic government, the people are more powerful than the elected officials and I will show him why. Hahahahaha! (devil’s laugh)

Post Consultation

I just finished consulting with Fr. Nemy of the Office of Admission and Aid also at the same time our prefect of studies (Philo). I have now my subjects for next semester and these are:

PH 110 (Philosophy Seminar for Comprehensives)
PH 118 (Contemporary Philosophy)
PH 202 (Advance Epistemology)
PH 116 (Medieval Philosophy)
PH 234 (Martin Heidegger)

Plus I am making my Comprehensive exams this coming January and I have written comprehensives on May. And legally, I will shift to MA Philo non-degree to MA Philosophy Degree non-thesis. Sounds exciting? if you only knew, I am having some withdrawal symptoms now. I’ve been doing philosophy for (how many years now?) I want to explore other fields (I wish) like Sociology, Anthropology, Political Science (maybe), Communications or even Literature (creative writing).

I was just staring at it for 10 minutes until I finally learn to accept it. That yes, I am STILL going to do philosophy next semester (can I possibly have a non-philo elective? accupunture maybe?). Even sometimes I have withdrawal symptoms to do it, but yet I am psyching my self that I am studying philosophy can be "fun" for the sake of future ministry. A part of "yes" I promised (oh... I almost forgot). I just wish after this I can get my MA diploma/license [Father, do I have to pose for a grad pic? hehehehe]

Grant me the rigor to do it, the grace to sustain it and the wisdom to know the difference. Give me strenght to finish to this one. Shucks, I need to be motivated (or be inspired maybe). It seems I have lost my energy just looking at this one. I know, this too shall pass.

Exhaustive Singing

I never imagined that singing could be a good outlet of letting out rage inside us. All the four of us Rcp, Mka and Carmen went out to have some “blissful” moment to end a day’s work. I am working all week to finish my paper in Ancient Philosophy, I was finished doing it until my professor (who is also a Jesuit) changed the rules: write a 50 pages paper focusing on each chapter of Glen Morrow’s book on Plato’s Cretan City and how it is applied today by trying to find some of the laws and Jurisprudence today that could prove that. Grrr... I am doing it for almost a month now, sheesh... I needed a break. Rcp and Carmen was there when I arrived, (I was late, hehehe the same old me) but early enough to start the show. I need a healthy outlet aside from locking myself up from the bathroom and singing at the top of my lungs (I wish) but in that place it was "legal" to sing. When we were inside, one of them broke the sad news... [edit... edit] but there is no reason of us to be sad, hahaha! we were together and I think that was enough reason to celebrate. Then Mka entered the scene (this lady to have a different story to tell...) and when we held the mic on the palm of our hands... final damnation began.

When you surveyed the whole place, only our voices stand out. As in "STAND OUT", decibles are broken, temperatures arose when Mka sang "its raining men" and that Evanessence song. Me and Rcp went back to our generation of Rivermaya, Eraserheads and Parokya ni Edgar. And those love songs became "hate songs" or songs of rage. As Joe the Mango said "letting it out can make a big difference", true enough after each love lines you will hear "!@#$%^&*" and that makes it more meaningful. Of course who could ever forget Carmen's version of my humps (you should see Rcp dancing to that song) it was a "standing ovation" performance. We screamed, we danced, and laughed we never realized that singing can be exhausting, better than running around the Ateneo. We finished at around 11 quarter.

It never ended there, Rcp, Carmen and I went to another place to meet someone and continue bashing Rcp. It was tiring but fun, like I said earlier, there was no reason for us to be sad that time. For we all know we are surrounded by persons we call friends and nothing could ever go wrong.

Unforgettable Summer

Last week, Gawad Kalinga was given an award for community leadership. It has been three months since I left GK Village in Gabaldon. One fruitful month of immersion and work. I miss my teaching job, my jester antics, my "spa" session at the river, the house building, the ronda nights and most of all, the people who have made my summer memorable. This is our tribute to all the people whom we have met. Something to remind us of the wonderful memories last summer. I just wish my kids could watch this now.

Sigh... In these times that I feel so tired, I wish I could go back there (as in now!) hehehehe! Wait for my return in October.

Another year

To Karenbits:

Thank you for all the years of friendship. For all the movie marathons we watched (could be break our record of 4 movies in a day?), for all the basketball games we played (hahaha! laro ulit tayo ha!), for the countless meals we shared (hmm... could you please pass the kamias? juskoooo....), for the economic reviews (now I really understand why the oil prices go higher these days), for updating me about the lastest fads and music (ano pa ba ang pwedeng i-download sa limewire?), the long walk and talk in the Ateneo (hahaha... mas maganda pag bukas na ang ilaw sa bell field), For reading this blog (oo nga... dahil konti lang nakakabasa nito, at alam ko ikaw ang isa sa mga avid readers ko), for the spiritual conversations we continuously share (sige na nga... bigay ako ulit ng retreat sa inyo) and most of all, for being a kind and true friend that one could treasure most.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I hope you like our surprise to you. hahaha! dahon-dahon dinner! It was simple, but yet a moment to remember. The beautiful view of the marikina valley on the top of the Titanic, the pizza, pasta and most of all for the company you, Nina and I shared. I pray for your intentions and your loved ones. Sige na nga... I pray that you will have the "love-life" that you wish... hahaha! God bless!

Karen's 22nd Bday

Close Call

Many of us have experienced weird dreams right? I guess I have my own. I went home late last Thursday evening, and feeling sleepy and groggy I went straight to my bed. I do sometimes have difficulty in sleeping but that night was such a breeze. However, my mind brought me to someplace and I could still remember that particular dream: the sky was black, and every picture or image that i saw was pale. The setting was our old street in Manila, where I have spent my childhood. It was very unusual; it was used to be a happy and busy street. Then, faces of people began to appear, I recognized all of them, and i know them all, but they passed away already. Those are faces of dead people, but they don’t appear scary. They lined up, as if directing or leading me to somewhere. Until I saw the end of the line, it was our house that was brightly lit. If these people are dead already, I thought that moment, maybe what I am going to see inside our house are also dead peole who are dear to me. So, I hurriedly went inside our house and soon as I entered I was blinded by the light. I took quite sometime before I could see shapes and then faces began to appear… I saw some of my relatives who have gone ahead of me they were all looking at me and smiling at me. The feeling was different; at funeral or burials I always preach that we never have to grieve that much, for at the end of our lives we will meet together again and the first faces we will see are the faces of our loved ones who will welcome us in the kingdom. It was happening that moment. All of them are dressed in white, some Jesuit priest that I know, my buddy Macky and Christian, my cousin Lalai, and my Lolo. I could feel my heat beating faster when I thought of someone, after long years of separation we will meet again. Then I saw her, sitting at end of the corner. I stopped for a while and try to take a glimpse of her and she is still beautiful as ever. She saw me, smiled at me and extended her arms. But a person whom I did not recognize blocked my sight and told me “sorry, but there is something you still have to do.” He touched my head, and suddenly I felt something was stucked into my head, it was so painful. And that pain woke me up from my sleep.

I woke up breathing rapidly; I could still feel the pain in my head. I got up and went to the kitched and drank water.I try to remember as long as I could all of the events happened in my dream. I dont think that it was a bad dream. Maybe a glimpse of the life next. Maybe it was trying to tell me something, or something that I have to finish and my task now is to find what it is. This would be an adventure. [play: mission impossible music]